About

‘The Ego Delusion’ is all about relationships and the psychology of relationships.

In particular, it looks at narcissistic love, where we are seduced by our ego. It asks  what is the ego? How does it work? What happens when we fall in love with our ego  and how does all of this  play out in relationship?

This is a sister site to ‘BiBi,’ which is a chick lit novel about a girl trying to fathom her own disastrous love life and The Ego Delusion will delve a bit deeper, drawing on those characters to explain the defensive patterns the ego employs.

Well, that’s the idea anyway!

I’m also taking a lot of material from my own journal, as my project is largely autobiographical.

Certainly, in my romantic life, I am a walking disaster zone!

So obviously I’m making some mistakes!

Although, it took me a while to work that out! Naturally, I blamed everyone else! But when patterns keeps repeating in intimate relationships, eventually you have to have look inside.

Basically, I looked in the mirror and didn’t like a lot of what I saw.

I started writing a lot, in diary form, and I read a lot of books to try to figure out where I was going wrong.

I had numerous “epiphanies,” or “awakenings,” along the way. Realisations about parts of myself I didn’t want to recognise. I realised I was emotionally immature and naïve. Needy and co-dependent.

I realised I was locked in a self-centred, narcissistic way of thinking and being. I was a victim of an immature ego.  I was in self-denial and living my life in an unconscious way.

That’s not very nice, is it? It takes a lot of guts to really look in the  mirror and even more guts to fess up!

So my work, my writings, are not my teachings, rather they are my learnings. A journal of mistakes I’ve made along the way. I am trying to change! Honestly! I haven’t mastered myself yet, though probably my boyfriend would say I’m getting better!

This is a work in progress site. I’m currently revising the whole project and am  in the middle of a major re-write. I’m going take this site down while I do that and hopefully will have it back up in a form which makes sense soon! Thanks for bearing with me.

♥Ali.